i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
