Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
