Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
