she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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