The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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