I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
