I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
