Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize