I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
