Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
