dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
