While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
