There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
