OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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