is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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