Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
