a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
