I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When are your genitals available?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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