If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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