How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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