Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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