is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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