he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
