with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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