She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
