My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
