If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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