What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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