This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
