She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
