He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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