Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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