took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
