8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i love accidental penises.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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