I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
