I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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