he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
