I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
