I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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