I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
