he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
