How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Is it because I queefed?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
