no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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