Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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