I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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