So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
