with your own penis?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Fuck appropriateness.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
