I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
