I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
