; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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