No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So vagazzling was a success
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
