I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
