Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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