I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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