guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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