Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
