I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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