remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
