Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
