Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
