Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
either way he was missing a nipple.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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