absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
