guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize