We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
