You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
