And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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