I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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