Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am puke
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
