Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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